Many misconceptions are associated with Bar/Bat Mitzvah

Some of the more common one’s are explored here.

Myth: Wearing Tefillin is a custom of Orthodox Jews.

Fact:   Tefillin is something Jews have done since the time of Moses, far predating any division of Jews into “denominations”.  Tefillin that have been found in archeological digs are identical to those of today, even though they are about two thousand years old. Tefillin are making a strong comeback. Broad-band for G-dliness.

Myth: Tefillin only need to be worn on the day of Bar Mitzvah.

Fact: Tefillin are to be worn every day, excluding Shabbat and Jewish Holidays.

Myth: You have to go to synagogue to wear Tefillin.

Fact:  It's best to make yourself part of the community's prayers.  But if this isn't possible, Tefillin can be worn in the convenience of your home, office or even a phone booth, as long as it's daytime.

Myth: A person shouldn't put on Tefillin until he understands what it is all about.

Fact:  The best way to understand what Tefillin are all about is by putting them on.

Myth: How the scrolls are written doesn't really count.

Fact:   While it is true that Tefillin are worn as a Mitzvah and not as amulets, it is an accepted belief, explained in the Kabbalah, that the Tefillin a person wears has an effect on his life and his family's.  Finely-written scrolls inside Tefillin made with care are channels for blessing and all good things.

Myth: Tefillin are the same no matter what the price.

Fact:   Many Tefillin sold in gift shops are often no more than fair simulations. Tefillin must be purchased from a reliable source who can assure you that they have been checked by someone G-d fearing and competent in halacha. Based on this the final price varies.

Myth: Tefillin last many generations as long as they don't rot.

Fact:   The scrolls inside the Tefillin often decay with age, especially when stored without use for an extended period. They should be checked at least twice every seven years by a competent scribe.

Myth: A Bar/(Bat) Mitzvah is an event.

Fact: A Bar/(Bat) Mitzvah is a person.

Myth: Girls and boys both reach the age of Bar and Bat Mitzvah at the same age, at 13.

Fact:  Because girls generally mature earlier, girls become Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12 rather than 13.  

Myth: To become Bar or Bat Mitzvah, one must be called to the Torah and make a big party.

Fact:   According to Jewish law, children are not obligated to keep the Mitzvos, the commandments. The time during the early years of a person's life is a strict training period, where they learn about the Mitzvos and how to keep them properly. A woman becomes obligated to keep the Mitzvos (Bat Mitzvah) at the age of 12. A man becomes obligated to keep the Mitzvos (Bar Mitzvah) at the age of 13. Why doesn’t the Torah Command us to make  Big party on his 13^th Birthday?

Perhaps, because upon becoming adults, young people have the yoke of Torah placed upon their shoulders. While it is indeed a time when one might be a bit frightened by the burden he or she is starting to bear, one should nevertheless be overjoyed by the fact that now he or she has the opportunity to do Mitzvos and fulfill the command of Hashem. This happiness has to be natural: the

youth has to feel it on his own. An artificial happiness, brought on by an obligatory celebration of the fact, is not needed nor desired. The young man or woman at the time of the Bar (Bat) Mitzvah has to

realize how lucky he (she) is to now have received the Torah and to be thankful to Hashem for this gift. It is for this reason that the Torah contains no commandments to celebrate becoming a Bar (Bat) Mitzvah.

It’s a celebration for the parents because we just added one more person to help us carry the load of Mitzvos and bringing us one step closer to the ultimate goal and purpose of creation.

Myth: Bar Mitzvah training consists of at least one year learning how to read the Torah. Bat Mitzvah training consists of a similar training in a synagogue skill.

Fact:   Bar or Bat Mitzvah training consists of thirteen or twelve years of learning how to do mitzvahs and why.  And it continues on from there for the rest of their lives.

Myth: When I have my Bar Mitzvah celebration in the Synagouge I need to wear hair spray in my hair.

Fact: In most synagogues, it is customary for people to cover their heads as a sign of respect for God and acknowledgement that there is something "above" us in the universe. Head coverings, called kippot, are available in the back of the sanctuary.

Those who are over the age of 13 often wear a tallit (prayer shawl) which has special ritual fringes (called tzitzit) on the corners. The Torah commands Jews to wear fringes on the corners of their garments as a reminder of God's commandments. Wearing the tallit helps the worshiper concentrate better on prayer. Hair spray…is optional.

Myth: Synagogues and Bar Mitzvahs are not for Kids.

Fact: Children are more then welcome in the synagogue. They should not be expected to sit for hours throughout a long service. It is perfectly acceptable for them to walk out to stretch their legs now and then and talk with friends. I have found that books and quiet toys (puzzles, lego) are excellent for keeping young children amused and engaged in synagogue. Every now and then you will run into someone from the "children should be seen and not heard" school. If your child is behaving properly, don't let such people bother you.

Bar Mitzvah parties are especially made for young kids to be part of, in order for  the to have what to look forward to and someone to look up to as well

Myth: After I turn thirteen the torah says I am man, so now I can do what I want!? 

Fact: Upon becoming an adult, young people have the yoke of Torah placed upon their shoulder. While it is indeed a time when one might be a bit frightened by the burden he or she is starting to bear, one should nevertheless be overjoyed by the fact that now he or she has the wonderful opportunity to do Mitzvos and fulfill the command of Hashem. And when you do what Hashem asks that makes you a true man. And indeed

Obviously there is a lot more to be learned about Bar Mitzvah in particular and Judaism in general, but, this should give you a little head start in making your plans for your Bar Mitzvah.