Where do all the socks in the wash go?
By Mordechai Z. Hecht
We enter today the Hebrew Happiest month of the Jewish calendar - Adar, therefore on the lighter side I present you with the following.
The question I have makes me apparently a member of the world who all have this exact same question: Where do all the socks in the wash go? Perhaps we have more in common than not. I have some 30 pairs of socks in my draw and some 27 single socks, where have their partners gone?
We can comfortably say that this question is similar to the age old question, I have always had, and continue to grapple with to this very day as to, “why do most normal people like pizza and ice cream?!” What is it about the human being and pizza and Ice-cream? But, the answer to that question will have to wait, for now.
We can even approach this question mathematically, for all you out there that like numbers: quite seriously: would there be statistic or static (pun intended) evidence for this observation? And would there be an explanation via a mathematical probability for these uni-pairs to become unpaired and go missing in the wave?
THE OPTIMISTIC AMONGST US
We can take this even a step further, I, Like most people, I have drawer(s) of mismatched socks in every color and size- even a few that don't even belong to our family.
After a couple of months of hanging onto mismatched socks, most people will simply give up and find some other use for them. Crafty type people will turn orphans into sock monkeys or sock puppets. Non crafty types use them to dust or wax the car. Still others donate their mismatched socks to the Goodwill, reasoning that a poor person doesn't mind wearing mismatched socks rather than no socks at all. (News flash: poor people also have drawers of their own mismatched socks they are trying to get rid of.)
And then, there's the people like myself, who are eternally optimistic that eventually the missing socks will show up and can be reunited with their mates.
SOME LIGHT AT MACHINES END
Hear ye Hear Ye! It has come to my attention, offered to me by some washing machine techs and I have noticed as well that on many occasions’ socks slip up over the top of the machine tub and are lost that way. I have come to learn that many socks stuck in the water pump of the washer and know that they can go through the pump and into the waste water drain... but many stuck in the pump and burn up the pumps..! If water level gets too high and machine is overloaded it can be swept over the side and get into the drain hose and pumped out with rinse water etc.
Some wish to argue that this only happens with white tube socks, other opinions are confident, as I am, that it happens equally so with black dress socks as well. In fact the color or material has no consequence on their disappearing (pun intended) act; or is it acts?!
Do the socks collectively as members of the sock underworld go missing, or is it each sock unto it’s own
YOU NEVER TOOK THE DIVE
Whatever the case may be, my own personal recent hypothesis is that it is usually the case that the missing sock never entered the washing machine in the first place. And this changes everything.
Upon this my colleagues have argued that However likely this maybe, it is more likely considering that you checked under the bed and the laundry basket and asked your wife/nanny/workaholic neat monger where the sock was and the response “ indeed put into the machine” and that it now resides within a duvet cover, most likely any ways.
Which leads us to another life altering question, just to add to our serious life problems, ”how is it that duvet covers often manage to turn themselves inside-out in the washing machine?” and do the socks have anything to do with this phenomena? Furthermore questions that will have to wait for now.
EVEN EVIL DOESN’T WANT TO DO EVIL
It has been considered that socks of owners that have really bad stinky feet have chosen another life, outside there earlier life. Choosing to move on down river showing up in someone else’s laundry machine, basket and ultimately home, living a life beyond their birth place, the home in which they trudged for extended periods of time. Leaving the years, months and days of hard work, wear and tear (pun intended) and shedding the sweat of their feet insiders, only moving on to something else.
The lesson in all this
1. Get a bag, a net bag and put all your socks in this and see what happens. Results are staggering.
2. Upon completion of use of your dirty stinky socks put them directly, not throw, not dunk, rather place them directly in the laundry bag or basket
3. Don’t wash socks with duvet covers or big towels for that matter
4. Count your blessings and your socks before and after.
5. If by chance you send your laundry to a Laundromat – Be ware. You can be guaranteed to have at least 3 pieces of laundry mixed up, you’ll be lucky if it isn’t 10 or more pieces mixed up.
SPIRTUAL LESSONS
So know you ask what does all this have to do with my upcoming Birthday in the Happiest month of Adar, well I’ll tell you.
Socks are worn on the bottom of your feet.
Feet may not be brains or heart, but they take us where we got to go. In fact our feet can take us places where our brain can not.
Our feet take most of the brunt of the arduous labor in our days.
Adar is the month in which the miracle of Purim happened. A wicked man tried to destroy us and practically annihilate us from earth, the Jewish people steeped up to the plate took upon themselves resolutions for a better tomorrow and in this merit were saved.
Often in life we don’t take on good future resolutions because we don’t see the benefits in return, we look at it as just a sock. Easily step upon-able. But socks are important, everyone needs it. Everyone wants to wear them, because we realize the importance of something so small in our life.
The next time the Sock bandit wishes to knock you off your feet and take you away from your “stand”, tell it to get lost…the way it knows best how!
And …
1. Don’t save the torn socks – let’ call a spade a spade – if it’s rubbish cluttering up your life - throw it out!
2. If your attached to something that’s gone, let by-gones be by-gones, you can’t do today what you needed to do yesterday, but you CAN change today and make it the best day, you can turn the present into your greatest gift indeed.
3. It’s time to get organized and learn from our mistakes and stop losing opportunities.
4. Smelly socks are understood, it resembles a long day on your feet, but each night we remove the rubbish, calculate our actions, realigns ourselves and prepare for a new day – tomorrow!
5. Sometimes yesterday’s rubbish is indeed history – don’t dwell on the past. Get yourself a new pair…
6. When you expect someone else to do your dirty laundry for you– the results simply won’t be the same…no one’s does best those things that you need to do!