TO LOVE; A STRUCTURED LIFE:
By Mordechai Zev Hecht
Rabbi at Anshe Sholom Chabad Queens, NY
Structure returns to life in September or better yet after Labor Day - after the welcome disruption of summer, summer camp, vacation and the unwelcome but pervasive new school year blues. People are generally of two minds about structure. Some tell you enthusiastically how they organize their homes and lives so they can discharge dizzying numbers of responsibilities and still find time to be spontaneous and creative. Others are frankly disgusted by the concept, preferring to float on impulse from one pursuit to another in the belief that chaos fosters spontaneity and creativity.
Who's right? It depends on the individual, according to psychotherapists some find that the effects of too much or too little structure among people vary. The imbalance sets off a syndrome of stress symptoms including sleeplessness, digestive difficulties, frustration, lack of enthusiasm and a trapped feeling, as we all know too well
Control vs. Change
Some define structure as a way of gaining control over one's self and one's environment. Structure saves time and brings order, think about when G-d created the world a)he created blue prints, the Torah, and b) he did it in 7 days, including Shabbos – the day of rest – all with a plan and orderliness attached. Like habit and routine, structure frees the mind of clutter. When structure breaks down, we get easily overwhelmed and worry stands in the way of “productive action”.
Of course, people respond differently, depending on whether they set up their structure themselves or have it thrust upon them by a mate, the military, school, or our workplace - sometimes even outmoded and seemingly senseless procedures in the workplace. If it comes from within, we find more often than not, structure is a creative tool.
Structure is Manageable:
Under-structured people have greater challenges and are entrapped in a life, less manageable. To those who have become anxious from stringent self-imposed goals, perhaps finding other outlets particularly relaxation techniques, and specialized spiritual techniques such as self-introspection and reflection may prove worthy and quite the release.
Life can become more of a struggle than it need be. Foul behaviors and even obsessive compulsive one’s are often due to the fact the individual is not content to impose healthy controls and systems in their own lives, but instead become autocratic toward those around them. Their rigidity fairly leaks out of them in various mannerisms, counterproductive to a healthy environment.
People with too little structure are those who have a hard time getting anything done and can never understand where the time goes nor do they score well when life get’s challenging.
Setting New Year Goals
A great remedy at this time of year is to reassess personal goals. ''Where do you want to go?'' ask oneself. ''What do you want in your life? Is it happening?''
Simple behavioral approaches, such as jotting down what we actually do in the course of the day and setting aside time for certain important priorities and activities, can help people regain control, happily.
Ironically some 30 years ago, the late Angus Campbell of the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan considered some of these questions while conducting research for his book, ''The Sense of Well-Being in America'' (McGraw-Hill, 1981). He found that about one quarter of the population ''always feel rushed,'' and some 10 percent frequently had time ''they don't know what to do with.' Can you imagine how much more “fast- forward” we are today in 2016 – 5777.
''It is the people in between,'' Dr. Campbell wrote, ''who only occasionally feel rushed and only ‘now and then’ have time on their hands, who are the most satisfied with their free time.'' Apparently, they have found the optimal degree of structure within which to handle the ‘bonus freedom’.
The proper allotment of time is a major player in our lives.
People vary in distractibility.
Lesson from the Blind & Dieters
An amazing fact is that yes Blind individuals have been known to organize their living space so that they can move and function within it as easily as a sighted person. Similarly, and it is a common tenet of behavior modification psychology to advise dieters to restructure their environments so as to keep food out of sight – its the organized thing to do.
Lesson from College students & personalization
Many kids are going back to college these days, new year, new semester. A study back in the 80’s bolstered the importance of environmental structure citing a study of college students that successfully predicted which freshmen would drop out just by looking at how much - or how little - they hung on their walls.
One of our Hebrew School parents comes in this past Sunday to register the 3rd of her children, telling me, “Rabbi, my son Benjamin, is off to college, I remember when he was in Hebrew School in our first year, 9 years ago, “I saw when he was packing that he packed his Tefillin you gave him at his Bar Mitzvah, I know he’s gonna be ok”
Anyway, at the beginning of the semester, they reported that the researchers measured the amount of wall space covered by personal belongings in various dormitory rooms. The more stuff there was, the greater the likelihood those residents would stay in school. They had made the new environment “a part of themselves” – they adapted – they set up shop – and owned their space – personally.
Which reminded me of an age old adage from the Talmud, “man prefers 1 part of his own, more then 9 additional parts of his friend”. Personalizing our experience in Judaism can in fact be one of the greatest ways to set a track for ourselves and to help us manage our time and be more committed and in turn producing greater joy and deeper meaning.
Need for Structure – a lesson from Children
Individual needs for structure can probably be traced back to childhood, said Lee Salk, professor in psychiatry and pediatrics at The New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center.
''Structure,'' he said, ''implies limits, discipline, boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.'' The best kind of structure for children, Dr. Salk said, is not a rigid schedule but an atmosphere of consistent, loving guidance in which they learn how to experience the world. Similarly with Judaism, consistency is everything. Loving guidance from a Rabbi or Mentor is vital and so crucial in a healthy flourishing Jewish dynamic.
''Children are like scientists,'' Dr. Salk noted. ''They test hypotheses all the time to see what the world is like and establish constant patterns. That's why babies may drop things over and over again as they learn that things fall when you release them. But if their world is chaotic - if the rules keep changing and the parents' reactions keep changing - they never learn how to cope with freedom.''
The tantrums and anxiety of a chaotic childhood, Dr. Salk suggested, may give way to obsessional behavior, hostility and a sense of impending doom in adult life.
One of the reasons why so many Jews today struggle with their Judaism rightfully so is because of “lack of structure” and organization.
Unlike Schooling or the Military, Judaism is a choice, but a choice that must have a system a ‘beginning a ‘middle and an end”.
When we set aside times each day, like for meals and other basic necessary life chores, we become consistent and organized and begin to enjoy the flow - the new energy that Judaism brings.
As we find ourselves in the month Tishrei, The month of connection, introspection and reflection, let us always remember Judaism is complex, but when complexity meets Organization and personal reflection and contribution – complexity can be ironed out nice and sweetly.
Life is complicated and sure life has it’s curve balls, its fouls it’s bunts etc. but when we the human on the receiving end set up systems we cope much better.
There is a saying in yiddish "A Kop ken mer nisht upshtelen" - one can not transfer a head to someone else" - man must organize his own - at this time of the head of the year is perhaps the greatest time to apply this.
Warmest wishes for a Happy and Healthy Sweet new Year.